


Don't Judge Mickey Milkovich By His Cover

by elysianaurora



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Carefree Mickey, Librarian Ian, M/M, Mickey is kind of a bad boy but not really lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 04:18:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17594489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elysianaurora/pseuds/elysianaurora
Summary: Ian lives his uneventful life as a librarian, he quickly becomes intrigued with the hot bad boy guy who comes in requesting the weirdest kids books but little does Ian know that the Southside thug reads for kids at the oncology ward at the hospital just down the street trying his best to cope with the death of his mother.





	Don't Judge Mickey Milkovich By His Cover

**Author's Note:**

> So today is my birthday. And seeing that it's my 20th I wanted to do something special. Here is a piece I put together just to celebrate this year and to thank you all for supporting my writing as much as you did. I do appreciate it so much. 
> 
> If Mickey seems a little different it's because his carefree persona is his coping mechanism for things he's been through in the past. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

**IAN’S POV**

  
If it was one thing Ian Gallagher had learnt after working at the public library for two years, was that there were some really strange books out there. Another thing he learnt, people actually read those strange books. Working the job he did Ian met people of all different shapes, sizes and colours and the majority didn’t particularly stand out. But when you showed up twice a week requested the most random books, I’m talking really fucking random, you’re bound to stand out. Even more so, you stood out when the librarian couldn’t help but drool over you when you came by. The first day Ian had seen the guy, he was packing the returned books in the sci-fi aisle. The black haired, pale skinned beauty sauntered into the library just after five in the afternoon. His baby blue eyes scanned the mass of the library looking for assistance. Like it was second nature to him Ian waved his attention over _. Shit, now this guy was going to come over here and actually talk to me._

It wasn’t often that Ian saw someone come in here who could literally take his breath away. As the guy came closer his demeanour and appearance became a little clearer to Ian. In this part of Chicago, seeing a guy like him, in his heavy black leather jacket, slicked black hair and rude knuckle tattoos, in the public library, was completely out of the ordinary. Ian had grown up around guys like this. They’d rather knock around people to get what they want rather than show up at a place of stature and knowledge. Ian, had definitely judged this book by his cover.

When the guy was about two feet away Ian greeted pleasantly, “How may I help you?”

“Ah...yeah, do you by any chance have the book How to Avoid huge ships?” the man asked almost uncomfortably. Ian furrowed his brows at the request. Just the day before he had come across the book when packing the shelves and had asked himself _who the fuck would read this_? Well it so happened this guy wanted to. He shook off his confusion quickly though because Mrs Darcy, the head librarian always told him to never judge when asked for a book.

“Yeah, follow me.” He said as he walked two aisles over, the brunette following behind as he thumbed his lip. Ian quickly found the book and then handed it over. When the man reached forward Ian clearly saw his scoffed up knuckles that read _FUCK._

“Thanks, Freckles.” The man smiled the most gorgeous smile Ian had ever seen, as he made his way to the front desk. Ian watched him go and he really hoped he’d be here the day the man returned the book. Sure enough he was back two days later requesting _Moo Moo, the Cow._ Ian thought that maybe this guy’s friends were daring him to ask for these books...or maybe he was borrowing them for a sibling. Either way, it continued.

It was four months since Ian had been seeing this guy come in and sure enough his choice in books never failed to make Ian do a double take. They’d exchange pleasantries, they guy would ask for his book and then go over to the front desk. That Monday afternoon Ian was covering for Daniel at the head desk when the guy showed up. He went over to the kids aisle and picked his books. Ian watched from the corner of his eyes, unable to tear his gaze away from the man, he was beautiful. Beyond beautiful, but he’d probably kick Ian in the head if he knew the very gay thoughts Ian was having right now. The guy came over settling the five books of his choice.

“Hmm, a lot more books this time.” Ian commented as he scanned them all, avoiding looking up into the man’s face.

“Yeah” He heard a small sniffle causing him too look into the brunette’s face. He paused momentarily to take in the sight of his red puffy eyes. If Ian didn’t know better he would have thought it was just the cold outside but it was obvious, the guy had been crying. Ian got to the last book _How to grieve._ He quickly decided it was none of his business. He held his hand out taking the man’s library card and scanning it _Mickey Milkovich._

“Have a nice day,” Ian said softly.

“Yeah. Whatever.” Mickey grunted before picking up his books and leaving.

After that day he didn’t see him for an entire week. The next time he did see Mickey though, he seemed in a lighter mood. He was smiling widely as he chatted with Jane at the front desk before he came walking toward the kids aisles that Ian was currently sorting through. He was sat on the carpeted floor packing the bottom shelf with all the Roald Dhal books they had just gotten. He pretended to not notice the man walking closer toward him. Mickey stood staring at the shelf pulling his bottom lip between his fingers. Ian stole small glances his way as he continued his job.

“Hey, you’ve got any good suggestions?” He suddenly heard, turning he saw that Mickey had walked closer and was now looking down at him.

“Who’s the audience?” Ian casually asked “You usually know what you want.”

“Uh...ten year old kid. She doesn’t know what she likes. Told me to surprise her.” He said as his eyes scanned over the book titles. Ian grabbed one of the books and stood up coming face of face with his crush.

“The Magic Finger, Roald Dhal, my sister is eleven and she really likes it.” Ian said holding out the book. Mickey reached forward taking it from his hand, “Thanks.” Mickey smiled as he turned to walk out the aisle. Four months of this had already gone by. Ian needed to grow some balls now.

“Hey, wait.” He called a little too loudly for the a library. Mickey turned with cocked eyebrows, “I hope you don’t mind, but you always come in here and borrow books for kids. Are they for like a sibling or something because I got tons of other suggestions.” Ian said rushed.

Mickey smiled as he reached into the pocket of Ian’s button down shirt grabbing his favourite pen. “Book suggestions? That the best you got?” He grabbed Ian’s arm scrolling digits onto it, “I could tell it took you four months to get the nerve to ask that. Call me...maybe we can discuss those suggestions over coffee.” and then Mickey was walking away toward the front desk.

* * *

 

That night when Ian got into his apartment just after five he glanced down to the haphazard numbers staining his arm. He’d already punched it into his phone but he didn’t want to wash off the ink. He didn’t want to wash off the touch of Mickey. He rolled his eyes at his absurdity and stripped his clothes as he made his way to the bathroom. He turned the hot water on and stood under letting the water soothe his muscles. His neck always ached after a day of stocking shelves, the constant bending caused a sore swelling in his lower back. He stood there for some time before his pipe started that loud annoying gurgling noise.

He ate leftover takeout from the fridge that night while he sat watching old reruns of Grey’s Anatomy. It wasn’t his favourite show but when he lived back in his family home, it was all his little sister Debbie would watch. He turned the television off when an episode he had seen one too many times came on. He grabbed his battered copy of the Lovely Bones from his end table and made his way to his bed. He spent that night like most, wrapped under his blanket taking in the words of his favourite book, alone.

* * *

Ian never particularly liked eating lunch with his coworkers. They were all nosey people who just wanted the latest gossip on your life. That was until he met Hannah. She was born and bred Southside just like him. She had moved up North when the guy she loved started college. Ian and Hannah shared a lot of details of their lives, and they found comfort in each other. Even if it was sitting silently as they ate their lunch.

“Something on you mind, Gorgeous?” She asked as she took a sip of her iced tea.

He looked up smiling gently, “No. Not really.”

“Is it the same old thing?” She knew. She knew all about how lonely he was. She knew because she was too. She had moved to a part of Chicago that was out of her comfort zone, went legit by getting an honest job, had a kid at seventeen, lost her family because they thought she had changed too much, all for the guy she moved for to cheat on her and dump her.

“Yeah.” He said softly.

“You wanna go out tonight?” She offered.

“No…I’m not in the mood.” Ian simply said as he closed his lunch bowl.

“What about that guy who gave you his number? Call him.” Ian looked up at her unsure as he twisted his face. “You’re young Ian. You gotta live a little. You’re not gonna find someone if you don’t put yourself out there.”

“What about you? Why don’t you live a little, huh?”

“I’ve got a kid at home. If you want me to go out with you, I’ll get Jane to watch her. But that’s not the same as bringing a new guy into her life.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Look, call the guy. Or go visit your family. I think you could do with some company. Even if it’s not mine.”

So that afternoon, he pulled out his phone from his jacket pocket. Pulling up Mickey’s contact number he stared for some time before finally gathering the courage to send him a text.

_Ian : Hey, it’s that guy from the library who so lamely wanted to suggest kids books to you. Wanna hang out?_

_Mickey : Yo, Freckles! I thought the book suggestions thing was kinda cute_.

Cute? This guy looked like he beat guys up for a living yet he borrowed kids books from the library and called guys cute.

_Ian : Ian, my name’s Ian._

_Mickey : I know, I read your name tag. Would love to hang but I’ve got a thing to do with my sister._

Ian hadn’t realized he had been smiling until it turned to a frown. Who was he kidding? Of course this guy would have better things to do.

_Mickey : I’ve got a family thing, maybe tomorrow?_

_Ian : Yeah that sounds good._

Ian went home that night and he spent it the exact way he did the day before and the day before that. At eleven in the night though, when he was under his sheets with his book in front his face, his night started to change. He heard his phone vibrate against the nightstand until it fell off onto the ground with a loud _thump_. He rolled over and reached for the phone expecting to see his sister or brother’s number. Instead he saw Mickey’s.

“Hello?” Ian croaked into the receiver.

“Shit, did I wake you up? What time is it? Fuck sorry” Mickey mumbled. Ian sat up in his bed and couldn’t help himself but smile at how cute this bad boy was turning out to be.

“No, I was just reading,”

“Reading? On a Friday night? Okay Grandpa” Mickey laughed. Ian liked that sound more than he probably should.

“You always call strangers at 11 in the night to make fun of them?”

“Strangers? I’m hurt I thought we had a good thing going.” Mickey continued laughing,

“You’re hurt? I just got called Grandpa.” Ian laughed. “So to what do I owe the pleasure Mickey Milkovich?” Ian hadn’t been sure where the bout of confidence came from.

“You see that’s not fair is it? I don’t have a library card of yours to swipe to know that kind of information. What else you know about me, huh?”

“Uh let’s see, you’re a Taurus, your favourite movie is Die Hard and your favourite colour is red.”

“Wrong, wrong and correct.” Mickey said and Ian could almost see the smile he was probably wearing. “maybe one day I’ll tell you for real what my favourite movie is.”

“One day, huh? You gonna cuddle me on our couch in our big mansion and make me watch it?”

“That what you want?” it was all fun and games until he asked that with such seriousness.

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Ian taunted.

“Fuck, you’re killing me here man. How bout you start by telling me your last name.”

“Gallagher, two l’s. I have five siblings, I have terrible middle child syndrome, my favourite color is green, and I like pineapple on pizza.”

“Ew. No fucking way are we getting pineapple on pizza. That shit is nasty.” Mickey laughed.

“You still haven’t answered my question.”

“What’s that?”

“What made you call? I’m just a random guy at the library.”

“I’m at the hospital right now. My sister just went into labour. I’m bored.”

“Is that what I am? Something to play with when you’re bored?” Ian asked jokingly.

“Never, my dearest!” Mickey chimed back causing Ian to laugh loudly. “I didn’t know playing with you was an option.” His voice lowered.

“I’m not an easy one. I don’t play with a guy who just gives me his number because he pities my awful pick up lines.”

“I’ve actually been hoping to get your number for some time now.”

“You’re shitting me. You don’t gotta say that.”

“No, seriously. Why do you think I keep coming back to get books.”

“So the books aren’t for a purpose?”

“No they are, they’re for my second job, but I don’t gotta do what I do coming by like that.”

“What’s your second job?”

“I’d rather show you some day rather than tell you.”

“Okay, what’s your first?”

“I uh I work security at a club” He said unconvincingly.

Ian shifted a bit so he was lying down, “Are you sure about that?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“So where are you taking me tomorrow?” Ian asked.

“Who said I’m taking you anywhere?” Mickey asked but before Ian could answer he chimed back in, “Meet me at the Hospital tomorrow at noon.”

“Are you going to wine and dine me with Tuna salad sandwiches and jello cups?”  
  
“Hey, don’t knock it til you try it, plus I gotta stick around here. But I wanna see you though.” Ian’s stomach fluttered with that thought that Mickey wanted to see him.

“Okay. I’ll be there.”

“Okay good. Uh look, my brother in law is calling me in. Guess the little squirt just popped out,”

“Congratulations, Mickey.”

“Thanks man, go to sleep Grandpa.”

“Goodnight,”

Ian fell asleep easier that night. It was all strange and foreign to him. He had barely said words to this guy in person and then after one phone call, he felt like he was on top of this world. Mickey had seemed so open on the phone and Ian felt like he was being reeled in. All he wanted now was to get to know this guy.

* * *

 

Ian woke up that Saturday morning and went for a run. He let the spring breeze cascade over his body as he drank in the rising sun. He used to love this time of year when he was growing up. Getting up before everyone else and taking in the rare moment that was a silent Gallagher house. He’d run a couple miles and then be back before anyone woke up. Now he ran back to empty apartment but it felt much the same. He made toast and eggs and then sat by his computer to answer the emails Debbie had sent him for help with her history paper. He had spent his afternoon the day before at work, collecting information for her project and then decided he’d email it over instead of trekking it down to the Southside. In all honesty, Ian didn’t like their older sister’s husband and he just wasn’t in the mood to have to deal with him.

At eleven he took a shower, got dressed and made his way to the hospital.

_Ian : I’m here._

_Mickey : So am I, where are you?_

Ian’s heart was racing with excitement and nervousness. For four months he looked forward to this and wished it to happen. He looked up from his phone and let his eyes scan the crowd of the hospital cafeteria. Surely he saw Mickey in the far end waiting in line. He hurried over to him smiling. “Dude, it’s just lunch, literally at a hospital. You’re not going clubbing.” Mickey teased gesturing to Ian’s well put together outfit.

“Oh this? You ain’t see nothing yet.” He smiled, “Plus, I like to look good when sexy bad boys ask me on lunch dates.”

  
“Oh sexy bad boy huh? When’s he showing up?”

“Hi, Good day, what are you gentlemen having?” They ordered quickly and then walked out to the outside eating area where doctors and nurses were bustling in and out. As they sat, Ian looked over to Mickey drinking him all in. He had a freshly shaven face but his hair wasn’t the gelled back look it was always in. It was slightly messy, like he’d washed it before he came and forgot to style it. Dare Ian say, it was the hottest hair he had seen. He had a small scar on his forehead and a healing one on the edge is his jaw. His eyes shone bright with the daylight. He looked up at Ian and smirking, “Like what you see?”

“When did you get so talkative huh?” Ian asked opening the wrapper of his sandwich.

“What do you mean?”

“Well you come in to the library and you hardly say anything at all. Then last night…”

“It’s a library Ian. Isn’t being quiet like the number one rule?” Mickey said seriously as he looked at Ian. It took Ian a couple beats before he figured Mickey was joking with him.

“You spent the night?”

“Not really, stayed late then went home showered and came back”

“So how is your sister doing?” Ian asked as they began eating.

“She’s good. Kid was a big fucker so she’s tired.”

“Boy? Or girl?”

“Girl.” Mickey said as he pulled his phone out to show Ian a picture, “Her name’s Jade.”

He smiled proudly as he showed Ian the picture. Ian smiled back as he took in the sight of a proud uncle. “You know, you’re nothing like I expected.”

“Yeah? What did you expect?”

“I thought you’d be scarier.” Ian said simply. Mickey just puffed his chest up and straightened his jaw, “What? You don’t think I’m scary?”

“Definitely not after you called me cute.”

“You telling me I’m losing my street cred?”

“Did you have any to begin with?” Ian laughed none the wiser that Mickey in fact did have a lot of street cred. “So, when are you going to let me in on this top secret second job?”

“In due time my friend, in due time.” Mickey said as he sipped his soda.

* * *

 

Swollen pink lips were parted with heavy breaths escaping around the muttered profanities. There was sweat dripping down his thighs as their warm bodies writhe together. A wet kiss pressed softly against his ear, linking his sensitive skin. Vibrations reverberated throughout his body stirring them on. _Vibrations_? That can’t be right. And just like that Ian was ripped out of his fantasy and to reality, the reality that was his nine inch morning wood and his cell phone ringing from somewhere in the mess of his sheets. He glanced at the alarm clock beside his bed _ **3:12 am**_. Cursing to himself, he pulled at his sheets until his phone tumbled out. It started back up ringing again, _Mickey_.

“What the fuck, Mickey? It’s after three in the morning.”

“Meet me by the docks,” Mickey said despite Ian’s protest.

“Why?” Ian groaned although he was already looking for a shirt.

“Don’t you wanna live a little, Gallagher?” Hannah’s words from earlier that week came back to him and that’s how he decided it was time he lived.

Now, some would say Ian was being extremely reckless at this point in the story. And sure, maybe he was. Ian was only twenty-two years of age. He had grown up in Canaryville running scams with his brother, stealing from the dairy truck on Saturday mornings and well he had Frank Gallagher for a father. What that meant was, he had a cockroach, who would lie, steal, fuck or bargain his way out of every situation, as a father. To say Ian’s life was uneventful as a kid was a lie. But when Ian had settled down enough to graduate high school, things slowed down. He wanted to earn a steady income because while his childhood was fun, they were dragging on their asses the entire way. He knew he’d eventually want to meet someone and have his own family. A family he wanted to be able to provide for. So he went legitimate. Got a job at the school library first because literature was something that always captivated him. Eventually he heard about a job at the public library on the yuppy Northside. After much teasing from his brothers, Ian applied for the job. He got what he wanted, a simple settled life with a steady paycheque. But something was missing.

You can take the kid out of the Southside, but you can’t take the Southside out of him. Ian found that he craved adventure, zeal, spontaneity. And that’s something he saw in this guy. _Mickey_. This guy was going to turn Ian’s world upside down. Ian knew it. So, instead of staying in bed at three thirty in the morning he found himself slipping into a pair of jeans and a light hoodie, making his way to the docks.

When Ian got to the docks about twenty minutes later, it had then dawned on him that maybe Mickey was an axe murderer. He sighed at his paranoia and made his way to the boats at the end of the dock. The night was chilly, with a mostly clear sky that the stars shone brightly through. The water gently lapped against the wooden platform as the boats rocked, knocking together timely. He stood there looking out into the vast mass of Lake Michigan. It was beautiful at this time, he’d never been up this early to see it.

“Took you long enough!” Ian heard a familiar voice call from behind him. He turned on his heels to find Mickey standing in a pair of tan cargo shorts and a tight fitting black T-shirt. He was wearing a wickedly handsome grin.

“Yeah, you wanna tell me what I’m doing here at 3:45 in the morning?” Mickey smiled as he walked pass Ian as descended the dock stairs onto the lower platform. You coming was all he called out as he continued gearing toward a wooden pirogue that was swaying in the water.

He hauled himself over the end of the dock into the tiny boat and looked up at Ian expectedly. Ian, with hands stuffed in his hoodie, looked skeptically at Mickey. “This yours?” He asked

“No but if me saying yes will get you in well then yes.” He teased.

“You’re stealing it?”

“More Like burrowing, come on.” Mickey called him over. Ian cautiously climbed in and sat opposite Mickey. “Don’t worry, Freckles, we’re good. Bobby never cares if I take it out, just once I have it back here by the time the fish shops open, we’re fine.” Ian visibly relaxed at that and took the time to look around the boat. It was small, so small that his and Mickey’s knees were a few inches apart as they sat opposite each other. Mickey flashed him that wicked grin once more before reaching over to untie the boat. He was leaning over Ian, his chest adjacent to Ian’s face. Ian took a deep breath in, indulging in the scent of the other man. It was unique to say the least. A mix of soap, cologne, cigarettes and something else. That something else Ian would come to later know as the scent of Mickey.

After untying them he kick started the engine and steered them out away from land. The water kicked up with engines rumble spraying Ian lightly. The breeze whipped through his growing red hair caressing his body freely. He looked out into the lake taking in the site of the land speckled with lights and life. Ian couldn’t help the grin that was spreading on his own face as light laughter rang off his lips as he held his hands out to let wind blow through his fingers. Beside the smile on his own face Ian couldn’t See the way the black haired man was looking at him. His blue eyes were filled with wonder and admiration as he looked at the guy he had once deemed uptight when he first saw him, let himself go.

Mickey stopped the boat and anchored a couple miles out into the lake. Ian had sat back down at this point but he still had that stupid grin on his face. “Is this the part where you shoot me in my head and throw me overboard?” He laughed nervously.

“Gallagher, you’re way too cynical for someone your age.” Mickey joked as he sat down opposite the redhead.

“What really we doing here then Mick?” He asked with his hands out wide gesturing to the water.

“You ask too many fucking questions.” Mickey said as he lay down onto the bench. Ian followed suit looking up at the darkened sky.  For sometime they both lay there waiting for the waters around them to calm from their stir. Small waves lapped against the sides of the boat and the wind whipped in every few minutes. “What’s your biggest fear?” Mickey asked catching Ian off guard.

Ian could only look incredulously at Mickey before laughing up into the sky, “You’re fucking crazy man”

“Why? Because I ask real questions? Not the mundane boring shit guys ask you when they take you out to fancy dinners? Or maybe it’s the lack of questions you’re accustomed to. What? You swear off men?” He said it all calmly with a smile on his face as he sat up to look at Ian. Ian turned his head taking in the way the moon lit up Mickey’s face. He was absolutely beautiful. “What’s your biggest fear Ian?” Mickey asked again more seriously.

Ian looked him dead in the eye, his face stern, “Loneliness.”

“The librarian who’s surrounded by countless books and characters, world’s and creatures...is afraid he’d end up lonely”

“They’re fictional characters, Mick! They’re not real.”

“So? I know people who get lost in those characters. If you didn’t have your legs, but read The Perfect Mile, you’d feel like you could run again, not so?”

“And what happens to the disappointment when I realise I can’t?”

“Acceptance of the things we cannot change and the imagination that we can are two different things Ian. “

Ian looked up into the sky as he sighed, “You know, for a guy who has fuck u-up tattooed on his knuckles, you’re really fucking optimistic.”

“What’s there in life to not be optimistic about?” Mickey smiled.

Ian sat up to look at Mickey, “I don’t know...uh...death.”

“It’s inevitable, whether it be today, or tomorrow. We can’t change that. We can change the life we have here while it lasts.” Ian laughed sarcastically. Who was this guy? He’d seemed so normal, and yet he brought Ian out in the middle of nowhere to ask him his biggest fear.

“You couldn’t ask me this on the phone?” Ian asked.

“I wouldn’t get to see your face.”

Ian ran his hand over his face in frustration. When he came here he hadn’t expected this heavy conversation.

“Who are you Ian Gallagher?” Mickey asked.

“What does that even mean?”

“Who are you? Not your name, but your hobbies, your joys, your fears, your thoughts on the world. Who are you?” He now got it. Mickey was unconventional. He was getting to know him. In the deepest way normal people didn’t think about. “You’re clicking.” Mickey noticed.

A smile spread across Ian’s face, “You’re an asshole, I was now starting to second guess how I could possibly be falling for this crazy nut job. You couldn’t ask me like a normal person?”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

And that’s exactly what happened, Mickey got to know Ian in the most unconventional way. The following weeks were filled with 3 am boat rides, 6 am seven course meals, late nights on the phone and adventures Ian would have thought he didn’t have the time for or was to old. They had gone a ferry rides at lunch hour and Ian watched as Mickey carelessly stood under pouring rain with arm stretched outward as he laughed the loudest he can. Art exhibits, Mob tours, bar crawls. You name it, and Ian and Mickey did it. Mickey was a free spirited soul that had come to save Ian. Ian had always thought that you either worked a 9-5 and had a boring life, or you passed on the system and had fun. Mickey showed Ian that the could have both. You can have a 9-5 but why the hell did that have to mean you had to stop living. But it wasn’t all crazy adventures to get their adrenaline pumping, there were soft quiet and lazy moments just enjoying each other’s company.

Two months had passed by and Ian found his eyes lingering longer on the brunette man. His smile growing wider at Mickey’s antics and his laughs a little louder at Mickey’s jokes. Ian dare say it, but he was falling in love with the man. But Ian had seen countless movies like this, the carefree guy would come into the girl’s life and set her soul ablaze all to break her heart in the end.

 _Mickey : Dinner, what are we doing_?

That’s how it had been going for the weeks they spent together, they always had dinner together or lunch if they were available. It had been second nature to them and neither gave much though to it. Well except Ian, he gave a little bit more though that Mickey. Ian knew how hard he was beginning to fall, he knew that his heart won’t be able to handle rejection, but it had been two months as there was no indication that this relationship was going to get intimate. His first thought was to respond a quirky seductive message like Mickey’s ass could be for dinner but he didn’t want to cross any boundaries and ruin their friendship.

_Ian : Anything you want._

_Mickey : Pizza . I’ll pick you up in about an hour?_

_Ian : Sure. You know that ugly brick building on 7th. The one opposite Nitro? That’s me._

Ian knew it was absurd that they were hanging out for two months and Mickey hadn’t been by his place yet, but it was the most protection Ian could give himself. His apartment was somewhat of the only lace he really liked, but now he thought he was ready to bring Mickey there.

_Mickey : Score! I know the best pizza place like a block from there._

_Ian : Can’t wait to see you._

Oh shit was that too much. Fuck it! Ian thought as he pushed his bathroom door open to take a shower. This was him putting himself out there. Fuck, social anxiety and insecurities. He was all high and mighty in his thoughts until he came out and couldn’t decide what to wear because he didn’t know if this classified as a date or not. He finally settled on _you could never go wrong with extra effort._ He slipped on his light wash ripped jeans and his favourite black button down shirt. He sprayed cologne and styled his hair. He was going for food with a really hot guy who had spent the last two months with and who Ian knew he was falling in love with, was this their first date or had all the time they hung out before classified? His phone buzzed against his cologne bottle atop his chest of drawers.  
  
_Mickey : Hey, I’m out front._

When Ian made it out the building he found Mickey casually leaning against the building with a dying cigarette perched between his lips. 

Mickey was casually leaning on a post with his black hair was combed back the way it usually was, and he still wore his heavy leather jacket. He had tight black fitted jeans that accentuated every curve of his muscular legs. Damn he was hot. The whistle that escaped from Mickey’s pink wet lips broke Ian out of his thoughts.

“Damn, you clean up nice.” Mickey smiled.

“You too.” Ian smiled closing the few feet between them. He was standing next to Mickey taking in the scent of his fresh cologne mixing with the cigarette.

“Okay, first rule of this date thing…I don’t hold hands.” Ian stood speechless looking at Mickey as the he rowdy man laid it down. “I’m kidding.” He laughed. “But no fucking pineapple on the pizza.”

“So I guess that confirms my dilemma if this was a date or not.” Ian finally says causing Mickey to grin wickedly as he pushes off the building.

“You mean like the countless ones we had before? Come on, Suave.” Mickey called as he started walking down the sidewalk. “How the fuck do you deal with that shit?” He asked pointing back to the nightclub across the street.

“It isn’t too bad, I’m on 24th floor. Don’t really hear it that loudly.” He says as he keeps stride with the shorter man. “How was your day?” Ian asked politely.

Mickey looked over at him with a slightly furrowed brow, like Ian was the first person to ever ask him that. The tension between his eyebrows quickly subsided, “Uh, it was okay. Slept for most of it though.” He casually said, “Yours?”

Ian looked over to him as he slipped his hands into his jeans pockets, “It’s getting better.” The small statement caused a light pink flush to colour Mickey’s neck as they rounded the corner.

The pizza joint was crowded as fuck. It was some kid’s birthday and the volume of the screams made Mickey’s eyes roll every two second they were standing in that line. “We could take it back to my place, if you want.” Ian said as he gestured around to the lack of vacant booths.

Mickey looked up at his with a gentle smirk playing at his lips, “Sure.” They quickly ordered their two pizzas and then left the shop. “Do they have to be that fucking loud?” Mickey grumbled as they were back on the streets.

“Eh, try growing up with six siblings it makes you immune.” Ian said.

“Jesus. That must be shit. I grew up with one sister and she made it hell.” Mickey laughed. They neared Ian’s building quickly. The sun was now setting as the city nightlife was coming out to play. The green and purple glow to the Nitro neon lights flowed under the darkening sky. The music was creeping up as the lines got longer outside. There were a groups of young guys all dressed in their best huddled together eyeing Mickey and Ian as they walked to the entrance of Ian’s apartment building. “Why don’t you come play, Sunshine?” One called out. Ian laughed softly as he looked on to see what Mickey’s reaction would be like.

Mickey sarcastically laughed before turning to Ian, “They’ve gotta be talking to you.”

“Oh no, it’s definitely you.”

“Come on baby, don’t be shy. I could just tell you what I’d like those tattooed knuckles to do to me.” Mickey teasing smiled faded into a serious look as he watched Ian.

Ian just grinned wider and smiled, “Told you so.” He honestly thought Mickey would run across the street and do exactly what his fingers said fuck him up. But Mickey cracked an infectious smile as he pushed Ian toward the door, “Alright, Freckles, I get the point.” They entered the complex and made their way to the opening elevator.

“Hey, Ian.” Ashlyn from tenth floor smiled as she got off the elevator. He smiled back politely and then gestured for Mickey to follow him. Once in the confined car, Ian turned over to Mickey, “You sure you don’t want go over there, Sunshine?” He laughed loudly at his joke and then caught Mickey staring at him with wide eyes and smile on his lips like he was actually staring at the sun. Ian felt uncomfortable under his gaze and he shifted as he watched the number on the screen climb. That definitely wasn’t the reaction he was expecting. He was almost expecting Mickey to tell him to go fuck himself.

Getting up to his floor, he unlocked his door and invited Mickey inside. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it beat his childhood home by a mile or more. “Nice place you got here.” Mickey said looking around as he placed the pizza onto the kitchen counter. “What you got two bedrooms in this place?”

“Yeah, mine,” He said pointing to the closed door to the left of the room, “And guest bedroom,” he pointed to the other side of the room.

“Sweet.” Mickey said as he spread the food out. Ian moved to the kitchen when he took out two plates, “Beer?”

“Yeah man.” Soon enough they were both sitting on Ian’s small sofa with their knees touching as they both sat sideways. Mickey looked around the space. There was books scattered across the coffee table, the end tables and atop his DVD player. The shelf to the far end of the room were stacked with novels, not an empty slot.

“So you really like to read, huh?” Mickey asked.

“Yeah. I haven’t read all though, most of those are old ones the library was getting rid of and I wanted to check out.” He said pointing to the stack on the ground. “Sorry the place is a mess.” He awkwardly smiled.

“You’ve seen mine, it’s a dump.”

“How’s your sister?” this was the norm, every time Ian saw Mickey he asked.

“She’s good. Her husband is going back to work tomorrow so she’ll be on her own.”

They sat next to each other for a while in silence. Ian couldn’  help but glance over ever so often at Mickey. Even though they started hanging out Mickey still came by the library to borrow books. And while Ian was happy he got to see Mickey he still didn’t understand the purpose and the fact of not knowing was starting on get to Ian.

“Stop staring so hard Gallagher, your eyes will fall put.”

“What’s the story behind all the kids books?” Ian blurted. Mickey just smiles wickedly as he looks over to Ian.

“I don’t know, I kinda like being a mystery.” Ian quirked his eyebrows up as he waited for Mickey to give in. But perhaps the bad boy look wasn’t just a look. Perhaps, Mickey was a mystery, and never gave in so easily.

Then Mickey straightens up a bit and looks Ian square, “Who are you, Ian Gallagher?” The question isn’t one Ian had ever heard on a date before.

Mickey climbed more onto the couch and kneeled his way closer to Ian until his face was just centimeters from he redhead’s. “Who are you?”

Ian couldn’t answer. In fact, Ian couldn’t even remember his own name. Not with Mickey breathing his hot breath onto his face. Here Mickey was asking him who he was but Ian wanted to know the same about Mickey. Who was this guy? In the short moment since they had entered his apartment Ian felt like he was gearing up for a race. He was knelt on the starting line, foot on the paddle. “What do you want?” Mickey said sitting closer to Ian. Ian could feel his breath quicken. His heart hammering against his ribcage. _Ready_ “I know what I want…do you?” Mickey teased his lips coming closer to Ian’s. _Set._ He dips his head so his lips graze Ian’s earlobe. “What do you want, Gallagher?”

_Go._

“You”

The gun was shut and Ian was off. He grabbed Mickey’s face in his hands and crashed his lips against those plump wet ones. Mickey moaned into the touch as he crawled closer until he was in Ian’s lap. Hands were everywhere. Ian could feel hot hands threading through his red hair tugging slightly. He felt like his world had been set on fire. His hands roamed south down Mickey’s sides until he is cupping Mickey’s ass kneading the skin and muscle there. “Fuck.”

“You wanna do this here or?” Mickey asks in between sucking at his jawline. Ian was swift in lifting Mickey up in his arms and carrying him to his bedroom.  
  
He lay Mickey down on his bed kissing at his lips and neck and earlobes. Mickey yanked his T-shirt off and then moved to unbutton Ian’s shirt. Ian continued kissing at Mickey’s skin and lips as his shirt slipped off his shoulders. They quickly undressed each other until they were both stark naked and looking at each other. Ian stood at the foot of the bed lazily stroking himself as he watched Mickey propped up on his elbows. The brunette man’s hair stuck up in different directions from Ian pulling at it and his lips were swollen and wet. Ian didn’t waste anymore time. He climbed onto the bed hovering over Mickey, his hands running over the pale skin caressing him. He palmed Mickey’s erection swallowing the moan that left his lips. “Ian, please.” Mickey moaned into his ear. After that, Ian got to work, he moved down Mickey’s body, wrapping his lips around his length while lubed fingers worked Mickey open. The tough rugged man became a withering moaning mess beneath Ian as he pleaded and moaned from the pleasure. When Mickey began begging for more he relented and slipped the condom on. He slowly inched his way into Mickey relishing in the tightness and warmth. He halted for a moment to catch his breath looking down at Mickey’s furrowed brows.

“Am I hurting you?” Ian asked as he slowly bottomed out.

“No…just give me a minute…didn’t think it’d be that big.” Mickey laughed nervously. He grabbed Ian by the neck dragging him into a languid kiss, “Okay you can move.” Mickey moaned a he continued licking into Ian’s mouth. Ian quickened his pace running his hand up and down Mickey’s sides soothingly as he thrusted precisely to make him moan louder. Mickey wrapped his arms around Ian clenching around him as the pleasure over took his body. Since they were both worked up and Ian hadn’t had sex in months, they both didn’t last long. Soon enough Mickey was reaching between them to grasp his shaft only to have Ian smack his hand away before taking over. He lazily and slowly gripped Mickey’s dick contradicting the way he was thrusting into him. Mickey spilled into Ian’s hand moaning the redheads name. Hearing his name come off Mickey’s lips mixed in a soup of moans and hot breaths Ian followed after a few more thrusts. He stilled inside Mickey falling onto him. Mickey wrapped his arms around Ian kissing softly at his neck and ear until Ian had regained his strength to pull out.

They lay sated and panting in the middle of Ian’s bed, “We should have started that two months ago” Ian laughed.

“You think? Took you long enough to jump me.” Just then Mickey cell started ringing. He got up grabbing his pants and searching for his phone.

“Hello? Uh-huh. Shit. I’ll be right there. Yeah I’m not far. Okay bye.” Mickey then started pulling on his clothes hurriedly while Ian lay there in shock.

“You’re leaving?”

“Yeah man, sorry but…that was…I gotta go to the…I gotta go. I’ll call you. Or come by my apartment tomorrow morning and I’ll make you breakfast or some shit.”

There he was, the mysterious guy who couldn’t be honest.

“Where are you going?”

“Please…don’t. I’ll explain eventually okay? But I really gotta go.” Mickey pecked Ian’s lips before running out his apartment. Ian huffed loudly laying back in his bed. Mickey always seemed to by hiding something. Most of the time they had spent together for the past two months were cut short by Mickey running out and leaving. He never knew exactly why. Maybe it was a family thing…

Ian stared up at his ceiling for far too long until he heard a knock at his door. He pulled on boxers and a pair of sweatpants and went to the door. Fiona was standing there with two bags of groceries and a sad look in her eyes.

“Hey,”

“Hey,” it had been months since he had seen his sister. She had picked up with some musician guy and ran off and gotten married. None of them had known and of all of them including Ian hadn’t approved. The guy seemed condescending making Fiona split her time between their family home and his because he didn’t want to live in a house with kids. He stepped aside letting her come in. She glanced around the apartment, “Like what you’ve done with the place. The white walls look good, better than the peach.” She set the bags down and then turned to the living room she saw the two boxes of pizza and beer cans sitting on the coffee table, then she glanced at her sweaty reddened brother, “Shit! You have company. I should have called I just…”

“No. He left, it’s fine. What’s up? What are you doing on the Northside?”

“Uh…I came to see you.”

“Fiona, the last time you came by my apartment was when Carl came here a year ago and refused to come home.”

“I’m sorry...Gus left.”

Ian looked at her sad face, “I’m sorry.”

“No you’re not.”

“I’m not a monster Fiona. I’m sorry you’re hurt. What happened?”

“You were right, he would have never accepted me for who I was and what our family is.”

“Did something happen?”

Ian sat down on the couch resuming eating the pizza that he had left. Fiona sat behind him opening the one Mickey had been eating, “Carl…Carl knocked up his girlfriend.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah, So I went back home. Gus said he can’t share me.”

“That’s fucking bullshit! So what you’re not allowed to take care of your family?”

“Apparently. Also…”

“Also what?”

“Jimmy came back.” Her elusive ex car thief of a boyfriend who always seemed to disappear, but all in all the only man Ian had truly ever seen her love.

“Oh shit, Fi. Did you fuck him?” She looked down guiltily, “Gus found out but we were working on it and then the whole Carl thing fucked things up so…he left, told me not to call he’ll send the divorce papers through a friend.”

“Shit Fi.” They sat in silence for some time as they ate.

“So…new boyfriend?”

Ian chuckled, “I don’t know what the fuck he is.”

“What do you mean?”

“He used to come by the library for months, then he asked me to get coffee. We ended up hanging out, doing crazy fun shit. But he always would leave at some of the oddest times, running out like the building was on fire after he’d get a phone call. It’s two months later and it’s still happening and tonight…we hooked up for the first time and he barely let the cum dry before he hightailed out from a phone call.”

“Is it like a job thing? Or a family thing?”

“I don’t know. He works security down at the nightclub on third. But I don’t know his other job.”

“This guy sounds like bad news Ian, worse than Jimmy.”

“Yeah…I don’t know what to do.”

Fiona hadn’t stayed extremely long, seems like all she needed was to see her brother. When she left Ian retired to his bedroom where he didn’t get a wink of sleep at all. He fired off a text to Mickey before plugging his phone to charge and then turning over.

_Ian : hey, hope everything is okay. Will see you tomorrow._

No response.

* * *

 

Awoken by his alarm Ian got up and got ready to head over to Mickey’s. He was tired from is lack of sleep but he still headed over with all intent of asking Mickey what the fuck was going on. On his way out he checked his phone, still no response.

He climbed the stairs to Mickey’s apartment because the rickety elevator was out of order. When he got to the correct floor he rounded the corner and knocked the door. Silence. He knocked again and again, still no response. He called Mickey’s phone about six times that morning all with no response. He was sat on the floor in the hallway in front his door calling and calling. He was about to get up and leave when he heard loud heavy footsteps coming up the stairs and someone muttering a string of curses. But the voice was a woman’s. He sighed loudly and decided to try Mickey’s phone one more time. By the time it had gone to voicemail a woman was turning the corner and stopping abruptly at the sight of him. She had black long hair that framed her face, a small silver nose ring and a baby held to her chest while a diaper bag was on her shoulder.

“Who the fuck are you?” She asked looking down at him. “And why are you sitting in front my apartment?”

“ _Your_ apartment? I thought this was Mickey’s apartment…I’ve been here before I’m sure I had the correct one.”

“You do, it is his apartment too. Wait, you know my brother?”

“Uh yeah, we’re kinda…friends I guess. Oh let me help you.” He said getting to his feet and reaching for the diaper bag.

She looked at him cautiously while he took the bag from her, “He isn’t home?”

“No…I’ve been waiting for about a hour. He told me last night to come by.”

“Oh well maybe he’s still with Gabe then.” She said moving to unlock the door.  
“Yeah…probably _” who the fuck is Gabe?_

She moved into the apartment and Ian followed her. She went into the room that Ian had never been in before. When she opened the door he could see a crib that she placed the baby in, “So…how come I never knew you lived here. I’ve been by a lot recently.”

“I live with my husband but I sometimes stay here when he’s on business trips. This is his first one since we had Jade. How do you know Mickey?”

“Uh…I’m Ian. He used to come by the library to borrow books, and we started hanging out.”

“Oh,” She said like it all made sense, “You’re the boyfriend, but not really boyfriend because neither of you have enough balls to bang each other?” She was so much like Mickey, blunt and open.

“Uh…I guess. But that’s not true though.”

“What the boyfriend thing or the banging thing?”

“Both? I don’t really know. I guess that’s why I’m here. To talk about it but he isn’t here…evidently.”

Just then they heard muttered curses as the keys jingled in the doorknob. The door pushed open and none other than Mickey shoved in. He was wearing the same clothes he had been the night before and his hair was a mess. He had darkened circles around his eyes and he looked like he had been drinking.

“Hey,” he greeted Mandy then turned around to see Ian in the kitchen leaning on the counter. “Hey, shit I’m sorry I didn’t…I forgot I – I’m sorry.” The first thing that went through Ian’s mind was that Mickey had been with someone else. That he himself had been nothing but a quick fuck for him.

“You know what Mick…don’t bother. I’m gonna go. I have a shift this afternoon.”

“Don’t go yet. I can still make breakfast.”

“No…that’s fine. I’ll just get something on the way.” He shoved pass Mickey and opened the door.

“I’ll call you.” Mickey said.

“Don’t.” Ian walked out the apartment with tears streaming down his face. How could he be so stupid to have fallen so hard.

* * *

* * *

 

**Mickey’s POV**

Mickey and his sister Mandy had recently moved to the Northside after his mom had passed away from cancer. Their dad wasn’t around after being imprisoned when they were just kids. They both had spent most of their adult life trying to care for her but sadly she didn’t make it. They both learned how to cope in different ways, Mandy went to a therapist, Mickey sat at home and moped until Mandy made him get a job. Then his next step was coping through beating up shitheads at the nightclub where he worked security. He wanted to do something that gave him purpose in life, though. So that menial job he had as a bouncer at a nightclub just wasn’t doing it for him. Admittedly the cash was okay as the hours were ungodly but he wanted something that made him feel like he was really leaving a lasting impression on the world. The final papers to finalise his mother’s insurance plan for after she died were to be picked up. But because of Mandy’s doctor appointment, and his late night at the club both were unable to pick it up. Conveniently their doctor had decided to fax the documents to the hospital Mandy had to go to. Accompanying his sister to her doctor appointments while her husband was out of town was more than normal. So they both headed down there. After Mandy’s appointment they went up to oncology floor where they collected the papers and that’s when Mickey realised what his calling was.

There was a young girl about his age playing a guitar as she sat among some of the children who were receiving chemotherapy. She was playing and singing with them and Mickey saw the way that their faces lit up. While Mandy was sitting in one of the waiting chairs for him he sign and collec the papers before asking one of the nurses, “Is there any way I can volunteer around here?”

She smiled softly at him, “Of course there are. We welcome anyone who wants sing, play an instrument or read for the kids. It’s always good for them to have company.” And that’s how Mickey got his second job, that didn’t originally start off as a job. He just started volunteering, going to see the kids and reading for them. Despite his gruff exterior the kids had taken to him so easily. They all grew attached and begged for him on days he didn’t show up. When Mandy had gotten the doctor’s advice to stay off her feet for the remaining of the pregnancy Mickey decided he would have to stop volunteering. The hospital saw what difference he made in the children’s moods and so they had offered him a stypen for some of his time. Mandy insisted Mickey couldn’t refuse the money as it will make things better for him and she made her husband take vacation off work to stay with her.  
  
Mickey quickly became attached to the children, he started going to the library to request the strangest books they wanted to hear. And that’s how he met Ian. He was captivated by the shy redhead and although the kids’ parents started bringing books, he still went to the library in hopes that the guy would ask him out.

The first child who died had shook Mickey straight to his core and he felt like he had been reliving his mother’s death all over again. He had read books on grieving, been by to see his sister’s therapist but nothing seemed to help. Until he watched a movie. He couldn’t even remember the name of it, he and Mandy were sat on their couch falling asleep when she leaned on the remote and accidentally changed the channel. Too lazy to get up Mickey sat and watched. The guy in the movie was dying. But he started living so freely, laughing more, enjoying life more, avoiding beating around the bush. He told the people he loved when he loved them and Mickey realized when the guy was on his final breaths he said, “he lived a full life with no regrets.”

Mickey knew just how fragile time and life was and so he promised himself he’d live freely and let all his inhibitions go. And then he met Ian. Ian made him feel alive and he found that two months after he was falling in love with the guy. But Mickey was yet to tell him about going to the hospital. His only reason was that Ian would see him for what he really was. _Broken_. He knew the only reason he stuck around the hospital was because he was broken and he somehow believed what he was doing for them was what he couldn’t do for his mother. He didn’t want that kind of judgment.

That night at Ian’s had been the best of his life. He had fallen even deeper in his feelings and he wanted to tell Ian it all. But he got a call from Gabe’s mother. They knew things weren’t going well for the child. Mickey had been reading to him for more than six months then and he and Gabe had grown a bond much like brothers. His mother called sobbing into the phone. Gabe knew he was dying and he was asking for Mickey. He stayed the entire night at the hospital holding Gabe’s hand and his mom’s hand. He cried when the heart monitor let out its loud lasting beep. He then made his way to the nearest bar in the wee hours of the morning. And now he had forgotten he had invited Ian for breakfast and he’s pretty sure Ian thinks he was with someone else.

When Ian left his apartment he stood there in shock and speechless unable to move. Mandy was looking right at him like he was absolutely stupid.

Mickey sank to the floor as tears riddled out his eyes, “Mickey…you’re not gonna go after him?”

“Gabe died.”

And Mandy just sat and wrapped her arms around Mickey until she heard Jade begin to cry.

* * *

  
He had called Ian’s phone about a dozen times but there was no response. He fucked up. He knew he should have told Ian in the first place where he was going. He knew Ian would have insisted he go with him and he didn’t want to seem weak. Like he was preaching to Ian one thing but he was doing another. He knew people would see what he was doing as unhealthy, heck Mandy did the first time she heard why he was doing it. _Reading to dying kids because you miss mom is not healthy_. He grabbed his coat and with zero hours of sleep, a fading intoxication and a pending broken heart Mickey walked to Ian’s building. When he got there he slipped in while someone was leaving so he wouldn’t have to be buzzed up and then he took the elevator to Ian’s floor. He knocked calmly on the door because he knew if he came barging in and pounding onto the door, Ian wouldn’t answer.

“I already told you, I didn’t see your fucking cat!” Ian groaned as he pulled the door open. He looked up locking eyes with Mickey who looked shy and small and like a complete fucking mess, “Sorry, my neighbour’s cat ran away I thought it was her again.”

“Can we talk?”

Ian looked reluctant to begin with but then his face softened as he took in the sight of Mickey, he stepped aside and motioned for Mickey to come in. Ian walked back to where he had apparently been lying on his couch under a blanket with the first Avengers movie playing. “Sorry I didn’t come by sooner…I tried calling.”

“Yeah…I saw.” That hurt.

“I think I have some explaining to do. And I really hope you’d listen.” Ian looked at him as sat up pulling the blanket over him.

“Yeah…I deserve to know where you always ran off to, what was more important than us…even after we had sex for the first time. Something that I thought was fantastic and really special, by the way.”

“I know I just…you know what? I don’t think I can explain it.”

“Well then you know where the door is, don’t let it hit you on your way out.”

“No I mean I can’t explain but I can show you.” Mickey said. He picked up Ian’s jeans that were draped over the back of the couch and threw it at him. Then he went into Ian’s room to get him a clean T-shirt. “Here put this on, let’s go.”

“You really think I’ll just get up and go like nothing happened?”

“Please Ian. Give me one hour. After that hour if you want to leave you can go. I won’t stop you.”

Ian played with the loop of the jeans in his lap while he mulled it over in his head, “Fine, but one hour.” Ian then got up and slipped on his clothes.

Ian didn’t say much when they exited his building, he stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets and let Mickey lead the way. Mickey kept his gaze mostly on Ian as they walked, his red hair glowing under the setting sun. He breathed in deeply, “You know, I never really expected to like you as much as I do.” Mickey said looking at Ian as they walked. Ian kept his face straight ahead refusing to look at Mickey.

“So much that you continuously lied?”

“Okay, I deserved that. Ian, where I grew up and with who I had as a dad, you don’t just open up and bare your soul to anyone. You lock that shit in because you’re not supposed to have feelings. Feelings are for girls. And what I got to show you is really fucking personal to me. I just wanted to be sure before I show you that you feel the same way about me.”

“Did I not show how much I like you? I grew up with five siblings, my three brothers and I shared one bedroom. When I moved here and got my own place it became mine. I never even brought hook ups there. It’s like my own sanctuary. I let you in there, I was ready to give you free reign of that part of me. Let you make yourself at home. You know what you did? You fucked me and then left.”

“I’m sorry.” Mickey said softly as they were a couple buildings from the hospital.

“Who’s Gabe, Mickey?”

“What?”

“When Mandy met me she said you were probably still with Gabe.”

Mickey sighed loudly and then stopped. Ian stopped with him and turned to look into to his blue eyes, “Be honest.”

“Turn around,” Ian furrowed his brows but turned nonetheless.

“What are we doing here? If this is to relive our first date...that’s not why I came with you.”

Despite the sadness he felt he smiled at Ian’s grumpiness, “Jut shut up and come with me.”

Mickey led Ian thought the lobby of the hospital and then up the elevator to the oncology ward, all while sneaking glances at the redhead to gauge his reaction. When they got to the correct floor they made it to the nurses’ station, “Mickey, you’re back. Thought you’d take a break for a while.” A brown hair nurse called from behind the desk. “How are you doing sweetie?”

“Uh...I’m fine...” He checked his watch, “Is Delilah in her room, or is she still in Radiology?”

“They took her to her room about an hour ago, and her mom just left.”

“Thanks.” Mickey could feel Ian’s eyes boring holes through his back as he walked toward Delilah’s room.

As he passed each room he spoke, “Annabelle, age 4 Neuroblastoma.”

“Danny, age 10, Retinoblastoma, he removed both his eyes last week.”

He then got to an empty room pointing in at the empty bed, “Gabe, age 7, Acute lymphocytic leukemia, lost the fight last night.”

He stopped outside the last room looking through the glass, “Delilah, age 6, Hodgkin Lymphoma. She and Gabe were from the first set of kids I started reading to, she’s the only one now. That’s what I do, I read to them. All those nights or days I ran off, this is where I come because their parents call, because they’re asking for me.” Ian’s face had gone pale, and he opened his mouth to speak when a high pitched voice called from the room that they were standing in front.

“Mickey?!”

Mickey turned pulling on the biggest smile he could and entered the room, “Hey Del,”

“Hey, my mom just left, but I told her you’d come. She said you were sad when she saw you last night.”

Mickey sat beside Delilah on her bed, as she brought a tiny hand to his face, “Don’t worry, Gabe is okay. No more pain, right?”

“Right.”

“Who’s that?” She asked pointing to Ian lingering I the doorway.

“This is Ian, Ian this is Delilah.” Ian walked in still looking like a lost headless chicken.

“Uh hi,” Ian said reaching out his hand to shake hers, she yanked his hand stronger than he thought she could and hugged him.

“Did you ask him yet?” Delilah asked Mickey. Mickey was attempting to tell her to shut up but Ian was already asking.

“Ask me what?”

Delilah looked between Mickey and Ian, she smiled widely when she saw Mickey gave her the okay, “Well, Mickey always talks about you. He told me he wants you to be his boyfriend.” It wasn’t hard for Mickey to see how the anger and hurt from Ian’s face had dissipated.

“Is that so? Well he never did ask me....” Ian said looking straight into Mickey’s eyes.

“I think you should say yes.” She said smiling widely.

“You do? Why do you think so?”

“Because he’s really nice, all the kids here love him. He visits me more the my own dad,”

“Hey, kid I think you should be resting, not meddling in people’s love life. Come on, time to sleep. Nurse Anna says you have some tests to run tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow they tell me if I can go home for my birthday...will you be here tomorrow?”

Mickey rest his for head against hers, “You bet.” Soon after Ian and Mickey were leaving the ward and making it out of the hospital. They were standing under the night sky, the spring air chilling their skin.

Mickey didn’t know what to say so he waited for Ian to talk first.

“You’re a fucking idiot. You know that?” Ian said when he punched Mickey’s arm.

“Ow!”

“You should have fucking told me.” Ian said as he stopped walking, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know...my reason behind it isn’t healthy, I didn’t want you to know just how broken I am. My mom died a while ago from leukaemia, since then I hadn’t been able to find something that makes me feel like I had purpose or meaning, this did.”

“I’m sorry about your mom. But what kind of guy do you think I am if you think I’ll judge you for that? Mickey, do you know what I thought you were doing when you left all those times? I thought you were fucking someone, but I couldn’t say anything because we weren’t fucking, I couldn’t say shit. I would have much preferred though you to tell me you were coming to read for kids rather than sitting in my apartment thinking that I don’t turn you on enough for you to want to sleep with me.”

“Are you kidding me? I’ve been hard for you since I met you. I just didn’t think you felt the same way ab-”

“I fucking love you Mickey.”

“What?”

“You heard me, I spent the last five years of my life trying to figure out where I belong, who I am, what I want in life. I meet you and in two months I figure it all out, I belong with you, I am Ian Gallagher, I have terrible middle child syndrome, my favourite colour is green, I like fucking pineapple on my pizza and I’m in love with Mickey Milkovich, I want you, Mickey.” Ian said as he grabbed Mickey’s by his shirt collar. Their noses brushed against the other and their breaths quickened, “Who are you, Mickey Milkovich? What do you want?”

“I’m a Leo, my favourite movie is Under Seige....or anything with Seagal in it. And my favourite colour is still red.” Mickey leaned his chin upward to meet Ian’s lips with his own but Ian pulled back a little ,”What do you want?”

“You.”

* * *

* * *

** TWO YEARS LATER. **

“Mick! Come for the phone!” Ian called from the living room, “It’s Delilah!” Mickey came rushing out of the bathroom with his towel wrapped around his waist. “And don’t forget it’s her first day back to school.” Ian whispered as he handed off the phone. While Mickey talked on the phone Ian went into the bathroom to take a shower. It wasn’t long after that Mickey was shouting for him.

“Ian! You better hurry up, or we’re gonna be late.” Mickey said as he grabbed clothes from his drawer. Ian came out them drying himself.

“How is she?” Ian asked as he slipped on a pair of boxers.

“Good I guess, she’s scared.”

“Who wouldn’t be.” Ian walked to Mickey kissing the side of his head, “I know you’re worried, she’ll be okay, she’s a tough cookie.” It had been a year since Delilah had gone into remission and she was finally going back to school. Her mother had tried for Mickey to convince her that maybe homeschooling was best but the little girl was adamant that she wanted to go to private school with other children. Mickey had remained close to the family, after all being their for them in the toughest time really made them grow close. Delilah had resorted to telling everyone that Mickey was he big brother.

“What time do you have to pick up Jade?” Mickey asked Ian. The redhead shrugged, “Mandy said I can pick her up anytime after work.”

“I can’t believe we agreed to babysit that little Satan’s spawn.” Mickey shook his head buttoning up his shirt.

“Come on! Mandy says she’s just like you when you were little. Isn’t that kettle calling pot black or some shit?”

Mickey flipped him off as Ian grabbed the deodorant, “Hey that’s my deodorant, Ian!”

“What’s yours is mine.” He kisses Mickey’s lips before pulling on his shirt. And leaving the bedroom. By the time Mickey had gotten out of their bedroom Ian was sipping coffee and holding another out for Mickey. Mickey gulped it down before putting it in the sink then grabbing the toast from the toaster that he knew Ian put in, it was their own little routine.

“Can you message me whenever you finish work? I’ll leave the same time too..” Mickey said chewing his toast.

“Yeah, we could go pick Jade up together.” He grabbed the keys off the counter and then his coat, “come on, I’ll be late.”

They both got into the car and drove to work, their routine had seemed so much easier now that Mickey had a set time to be at the hospital for. Within the two years Mickey had gone to seminars and professional training to help ailing kids. He worked a nine to five now throwing away the need for his job at the club. Once in front the Hospital Ian leaned over smacking a kiss to Mickey’s lips, “Goodbye, honey. Have a nice day, honey.” Ian grinned while Mickey shot him the middle finger.

“Have a nice day, Gallagher.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too, Freckles.”

“And don’t forget, Fiona wants you to call her to give her your opinion on the flowers she chose.”

Mickey rolled his eyes as he got out the car, “Why the fuck don’t you just tell her your opinion on the goddamn flowers?”

“Because it’s _our_ wedding Mickey, not just mine.”

 


End file.
